The Thing About Boundaries…

What are “personal boundaries”?

They are the rules we create based on what behaviors are acceptable to us (and not acceptable).  Some of us have very clear boundaries where others around us know what is acceptable and what is not when it comes to interacting with us.  Some of us have very faint (sometimes very, very faint) boundaries where those around us aren’t even aware any exist. 

Creating healthy boundaries for ourselves is a practice of self-love BUT we must enforce them to put any value into them.  You love yourself enough to know how you want to be treated AND you hold others accountable for respecting your boundaries. 

If someone consistently doesn’t respect your boundaries, then to quote *NSYNC…bye, bye, bye!

The downfall to the equation of having boundaries is even if you know how you want to be treated, you don’t enforce them and you allow others to take all of you.  OR you have created your boundaries BUT you have not made them clear to others.

Many of us struggle enforcing or even having healthy boundaries because we don’t want to disappoint others.  We want to be everything to everyone and feel guilty if we say no.

Coming from a recovering people-pleaser, how is that working out?  What is the upside of always saying yes?  Always (and I mean always) being there for others?

Many people with squishy, messy, unhealthy, sometimes non-existent boundaries often feel:

Frazzled

Exhausted

Anxious

Stressed

Just to name a few.  They have so much they want to do but are putting everyone else first.  Literally running on fumes from the moment they wake up in the morning to the moment they put their head on the pillow trying to keep up but end up putting themselves on the back burner.

Can you relate?  If this sounds familiar, you are not alone, BUT you need to take the first steps creating healthy boundaries for you.  No one else can do it for you.

First steps? 

Notice how you feel each day.  If someone asks you for help, do you get a knot in your stomach but say yes anyway?  If your phone rings and it’s that friend that talks for hours, do you tense up a little but still answer the call? Are you constantly stressed?  Tired? Anxious?  This could be a clear sign that you need to create healthy boundaries.

As I have said many times before, self-awareness is the first step to making any change.

Here’s to creating healthy boundaries that support the life we want to live!

You got this!